Starting over...

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I was in talks with a possible IM and what is great news for her is sad for me. A family member has graciously volunteered to carry their embryos. I am very happy for her - having a close family member do this for them is an ideal situation, not to mention, would save them a lot of money. I don't believe money to be the main reason, but it does keep doors open if a first transfer does not work.

As for me, I still plan on looking. I still feel it in me to help someone and like love... you just have to keep searching.

I still can't help but feel like I've been broken up with... with a "it's not you, it's me" speech =PP

Ah well... back to the ole drawing board.

Fear

I'm surprised at the amount of fear I have going into this.

I open my heart, my past and put it on paper. Details of my parents, my children, their births and my life. My divorce and other past indiscretions will inevitably come into play. My friends and family will eventually be involved. In mere words, I describe why I want to be their surrogate and how I would handle all the intricacies of it... selective reduction, abortion, twins, triplets, miscarriages, time off from work, appointments, shots, hormones... Am I young enough... virile enough?
And after I've painted what is a mural of my life and laid myself bare, virtually naked in the spotlight, I think:
What if they don't like me?

And we're off...

Looking for IP's (intended parents) for your surrogacy is much like dating online, I've found. You try your best to convey your personality and ideals, without being too wordy or boring. You simply can't put all of your life into a couple of paragraphs and hope the other person can really see you as you are. On other hand, I've read through ads meant to find surrogates and they're pretty dry too. Most read like a laundry list of wants and are fairly emotionally detached.

It's my hope that I won't need to put out an ad and won't need to answer any. I already had somebody in mind when I made this decision. It's still very, very early in the process, but I look forward to talking more to them and hope our families mesh as well as I anticipate they will.

And back to the dating analogy, it feels like an impending first date. I'm excited about the prospect of the future and still scared of being hurt and disappointed. Such is life. =)

Started the journey... started a blog

Starting the surrogacy journey, I thought it would be nice to have a blog. This would be a central place to keep friends, family and eventually my IP's all in sync and informed. First... to learn how to manage this blog and its settings...