Ugh.

It makes it hard to try and connect with someone via email to see if you're compatible for eachother when you know in the back of your mind they could simply never reply again. VA and TN have neither replied back since last week. I've already sent my "Hi, how are you, haven't heard from you, LMK" email and still nothing. Perhaps vacation. Perhaps another direction. But as someone who already hates rejection, leaving without saying goodbye is not the easiest way to break ties. "Thanks, no thanks" works best, I believe. It's just hard to move on when I don't have closure on my possibles. I have a fear that one of them will email me in a month or two and want to move forward. =P

I have not yet submitted my application with the agency since I wanted to see how those two played out. We are moving and I will likely wait a couple weeks to a month before taking any direct steps towards finding IPs or submitting to the agency. The owners of our rental are moving back and we need to be out by Jul 15.

Goodbye SC, Hello VA and TN

Best wishes to SC as they move on. I hope she keeps in contact and that I hear good news soon.


So, simultaenously, I received new hits on my ad - one from VA and the other from TN. Talking to both and they're both pretty cool. One is looking for a sibling conceived from a previous surrogate and the other is looking for another surrogate after a couple failed transfers. They both have frozen totcicles left over and ready to go.

It has not quite been 2 months since I started searching.

Updating...

So 'West' got back in touch with me not long after I wrote the last blog entry. "West" is South Carolina. I believe they're not far from where we lived for a spell in Greenville... about 4 hours away.

We're still very much in the talking stage but I do like her/them. She seems very down to Earth and logical and is really eye to eye with me on making sure we're equally on board with all the issues. She seems more scared than others I have talked to about the possibility of a disability or abnormality that might devastatingly affect her family. I empathize and understand a bit of her fear. I can't imagine having to pay doctors, donors and a surrogate to coordinate this miracle only to be faced with life changing disabilities or abnormalities. She and I both are researching a good bit of information about IVF and these possibilities. And even though the stats are "low", if we transfer 2 5day blastocysts and they both split (2 sets of identical twins)... how would she feel about having 4 babies? I refuse to reduce so... hope to resolve that soon.

If all goes well, I hope to meet her/them in person in a month or so when I take my boys to meet their father. By July, we should know whether or not we're a match and will proceed accordingly with contracts and discuss possible game plan for a transfer. =)))

(Not so) quiet times

Update on North and West. Things were really kickin with North but finally got an email that said they needed to step back and take some time to make their decision. It's been several days since then, so I get the impression it was "goodbye". (Truly the hardest part of the matching is all the damn rejection without knowing what it was, if anything, that turned them off. Sigh)

West was also fantastic and a few days ago, I was worried I'd have two wonderful sets of IPs and would have to choose. Soooo, I did receive a great email back from West late last week and it took me until Tuesday to reply. Everything was fantastic except it sent me a red flag wrt money. They had only $x to offer as a comp. It wasn't significantly less, but unfortunately, comp isn't the only financial part of this journey and it worried me immediately that trouble would be on the horizon. (Taking a step back to say that I don't know these people (IPs) from Adam and have nothing to base any judgement on except my intuition. If my intuition is wrong, so be it and I'm hypersensitive... but it IS the only thing I have to go on this early). As mentioned in a previous post, besides my compensation for doing a surrogacy (typical range is $15-22K), there's also the costs associated with the IVF, misc fees, travel reimbursement, hospital and doctor fees, any bills that the insurance wouldn't cover and in a worse case scenario (6 months of bedrest for a complicated pregnancy), 40% of my income not covered by short term disability. I emailed her back and told her that I could accept the lower comp and expressed as honestly as I could my fears (stated above). I haven't heard back from her either.

I replied to other ads searching for a GS and most haven't replied back. One was an (local!)agency that was working on behalf of several NCers. I printed out their 19 page application and need to fax it back in. Not holding my breath that it's the answer to my prayers, but I'm moving forward and having local IPs is something I'd REALLY like.

The whole search is depressing with the constant let down and rejection. I know it's all just priming for the long road ahead but I do hope to find my couple soon. I don't see how people can actively search for months and years.

North and West

The ad yielded several replies and zero "wierdos". *YAY!* I responded to each and am actively talking to two couples, both still in the 'feeling you out' phase. One is several hours North and the other is a few hours West.

I'm rather proud of myself for having taken an emotional step back for the time being. I don't want to be overly anxious finding my IPs... don't want to rush into anything. I'm not under any time constraints, my name is out there and I'm moving forward one conversation at a time. That's all I need to be doing right now =)

Pebbles

"Nobody trips over mountains. It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble. Pass all the pebbles in your path and you will find you have crossed the mountain. ~Author Unknown"


Back to square one. Placing the ad again. Odds are that I'll find a match within the first 3 months. It's been one month already. My perfect couple is out there and we shall find each other... sooner or later!

No update

Just an update to say no update yet. Still talking with Holly (agency) and she's talking with the PIP (possible intended parents) about several items before we either agree to go separate ways or start contract phase. Things like wage compensation, for instance. I'm not a SAHM and earn an income. Likely, I will only be out of work for a couple of weeks at birth - but they also have to take into account the worst case scenario... What if I'm put on bedrest at for 6 months? I have short term disability which covers 60% of my income, but that still leaves them liable for 40%. This is on top of my compensation, other fees and expenses relating to the surrogacy. One can see just HOW expensive it could get.



Just as soon as I know one way or the other, I'll update the blog. Till then, have a wonderful weekend!